Knowledge really is power

Dear Friends,

I’ve always had a thirst for knowledge. I love nothing more than to find a topic of interest and learn everything I can about it. So it wasn’t a surprise when I moved myself a bit forward emotionally after adjusting to being on my own, that I immediately started doing my research!

The canvas of this next chapter of my life was blank. I’m not going to lie when I say I was both excited and scared of designing a life that was built for me, and by me. Oh the things I could do, and wanted to do! but what is it I wanted? life as a single parent is not what I planned on and it looked and felt very different than anything I had seen growing up. It was then I realized I was still holding onto the blueprint I had laid out in my mind of what I thought things should look like. We create emotional pain for ourselves when we cannot relive, find, or create what we have lost . That life is gone and if I do not re write my blueprint, I will always feel as though I am in a deficit. So I started to educate myself.

I threw myself into books, podcasts, youtube channels, anything that I could get my hands on that addressed self confidence, dealing with loss of love, loneliness, how to be happy, how to be independent, how to not give a fuck, how to imagine and manifest a life that was built on the unknown. The surprising thing that happened was, I started to feel better and move on! The constant wealth of information was giving me the ability to see how powerful I really was. It also was identifying my emotional injuries and areas of my life that needed work. In these resources were tips, other people I could model after and different perspectives I could incorporate into my daily life. I found something that worked for me, and to this day when faced with an issue the first thing I do is immerse myself in learning.

No one can ever take knowledge away from you. It is the single most important thing to rely on when in times of distress. The more you know, the more you grow. Staying open to the fact that we may not have all the answers to our problems, allows you to dive right in and find that there are other people in the same situation lighting the path for you. We can have nothing of monetary value , but if we have taken the time to do the work and learn we have more than money can buy. Yet another tool for our emotional toolbox we are creating together.

Love always,

Truly, Terrie xo

As a helper I do love my resources! here are a few of the ones I loved.

youtube: Derrick Jaxn, MJ Harris, Bishop TD Jakes, Tony Robbins, Mathew Hussey, Melanie Tonia Evans, Ted Talks

Books: Unfuck yourself ( Gary John Bishop), The subtle art of not giving a fuck (Mark Manson), co dependency no more (Melody Beattie)

great spots for articles: elephant journal, tiny buddha, psychology today, lifehack

Tell yourself a story, but make sure its a good one

Dear friends,

2020 has already had an exciting start, in true Terrie fashion things are not always linear! Its as if the universe did hear me and has seen me as a person who can rise up and face what’s coming.

I have always been someone who thrives on change. I love it! I look for it and I flow through it nicely, well for an old girl! I have faced change in so many areas of my life in the past few years, but the one thing I didn’t do was really listen to the story I tell myself. You know who I am talking about right? That little voice inside your head, usually sounding like your mom or dad or even someone else! The voice that is constantly looking at what you are doing and then saying ” why would you do that?”, ” your not like the others”, “your life is not normal”, ” oh and by the way you need to lose some weight!” Now do you recognize it? Yours might be saying things much more positive, but mine left to its own devices can rendure me frozen in times of unstability.

So the first challenge of 2020 had me like “your about to be homeless”. Yes, my Landlord decided to let me know he’s selling. sad face emoji, question face emoji, snow man emoji, money emoji, F my life emoji.

We moved into this place years ago, we have laughed in it, cried it in, we have all grown, faced challenges, celebrated in it, we lost in it, and we won. Most of all I have had the pleasure of watching my boys thrive in a safe home and a nice neighbourhood. We are going to be leaving it.

First thing I did was freeze , afraid. “I can’t possibly move my kids all by myself to another home, co-ordinate it, pay for it and be successful?”. ” this is not me” “I need someone to help me” you get it .. and so on and on my little voice went. Until I noticed it and said enough. I AM RESILIENT…. and with you beside me I know I have support!

In the spirit of saying yes this year, I quickly changed my thoughts and realized YES I CAN!! I just have to make sure I don’t get overwhelmed and let that pesky inner voice guide me straight to the couch for a bag of cheetos and netflix!

Here are a few things I put in place to make saying yes, a bit easier!

I had to really tune into what I was telling myself. Often the story we have running in the background of our minds tells us a very different thing than what we actually want to do. It is a necessary skill to be able to get in there, and pry your brain away from that voice and override it! Switch up your thoughts, remember changing your location for a bit helps to stop the run on narrative of I can’t do this. Try telling myself this is an adventure, a new chapter, a fresh start! customize all social media to inspirational posts about new beginnings. I already know if I get too busy, that voice tends to take over. So lots of sleep, resting, hitting my workouts without fail, and planning.

No resisting! only accepting! As I mentioned before, I’m a resistor. I know this, so therefore I have to let go of the thought that I can control this. I hate it, I don’t want it, but guess what, it’s happening. There is so much power in letting go ,and getting to work. Continue to work daily on submitting to this change. Save money, thin out your clutter, start collecting boxes. Now i’m feeling a foundation for change!

Looking at places. Its hard to leave when you love where you live . I have done it many times and it never gets easier. I am a total sap when it comes to saying good-bye, so I have started everyday to say thank you to the home that played such a big part in developing my strength as a woman and mother. I will wake each day with a grateful heart that I was lucky enough to even have a home when some people do not. Open my heart when picking a new spot for our next and last part of the boys high school years.

Tell myself everyday that its ok my life looks a bit different than what I had planned, and stay present instead of trying to escape and avoid. This for me means less TV, phone and don’t even spend one minute near my bed! I’m a napper! Its been hard to understand that life is twisty for some and not for others. I have learned to be ok with it, but this year I have to remain focused on where I am going. No more stepping back passively, I must direct and keep my eyes on the life I am wanting to create.

Your mind can be your greatest gift if you make sure its not telling you things that are not true. Always rise above your little voice and tell yourself that you are special and deserving of beautiful things simply because you are here. Try to look around even in times of unwanted change and see what you do have, instead of what’s missing. This is my focus. Wish me luck friends and stay tuned! Winding road ahead!!

Love always,

Truly, Terrie xo

Tips and tricks to help you through your break up

welcome back friends!

I know I keep heading back into the past, but in order to move forward lets remember for a moment our excavation. When I think back to the first few weeks after I realized I was facing life as a single once again, I can honestly tell you there were times I could not breath out of fear.  My uncoupling was not as cool and progressive as Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, it was scary, sad and painful and more like watching someone fall slowly down stairs. It was heart crushing, devastating and what in the hell am I going to do nowish. I always said to myself , “if I survive this, I promise to pay it forward” and so here it is.

The first few weeks after your split are the worst, I mean the absolute knock down most painful days you will ever get through. While I was going through it I had no idea that I would A. be able to function daily and B. have any relief from the feeling of my heart being squeezed into a vice. On top of that I had two very needy boys who had no idea their mom was hurting.

Without knowing it I made some really good moves and some not so good moves. Let me explain. On the good side, I reached out to as many friends as possible. People in any environment your in also at one point or another suffered loss, and can be quick to offer a kind word or story. They may even stop in and visit you or text and check in. Tap into as many resources around you as possible for support, don’t be too proud, this is not the time. These are the people who will hold you up when you are down. For example, my girlfriends came over and cleaned out my ex’s stuff! I had been too heartbroken to move one thing and my bedroom was a literal shrine to my pain. Que depressing song now!

Sit with your pain and face it head on. Look it in the eye and let it flow through you. I myself will find every loophole known to man to avoid pain. I mean I wasted months on end distracting myself from facing my real feelings. All it did was prolong this stage and make me miserable. Once I learned what I needed to do, I slowly turned and faced it. Cry, scream, eat ice cream, order uber eats, watch movies, lay on your couch, do whatever you have to do to acknowledge that yes this is shit, but you are allowing and accepting this feeling to wash over you. Once I accepted this I could then move around in it and find ways to combat it.

READ as much as you can. My break up bible ( i’ll leave some good reads below) was who am I without you, I can honestly say that I read that book cover to cover SEVERAL times. Everyday I got something new out of it depending on how I was feeling. I felt control when I read things that made me feel like someone else understood the pain I was in. I also enjoyed the tips and tools it gave me to start to build my self esteem back up little by little.

Stay off social media! I can hear my girlfriends laughing from here! I am the worst at this! I hurt myself more every time I looked. I realized you can never unsee the first pics from that vacation with his new bae. Oh my god you cannot handle this! Just trust me on this one. Limit your screen time or customize the gram to only positive stuff and block anyone and everyone who is associated with your ex. This way you can let the memories of his face fade into the darkness, and resist the urge to compare yourself to his new girl. Come on we all do it!! I admit once again, this is hard . sad face emoji, miserable face emoji and a hashtag don’t do it!!!

Self care and empowerment! now we are not at the point where i’m playing Beyonce’s “all the single ladies” and dancing on my couch yet! I am talking about listening to music that soothes you, take baths, get your nails done, get your hair done, and if you can’t afford it do it at home for yourself. I found that caring for myself as if I was hurt physically helped me so much. Studies have said that pain from a break up can cause actual pain in your body! Be kind to yourself and drop a few things of your schedule that you usually do because right now you need to conserve energy.

Move, move ,move. I am a person who freezes when i’m in pain emotionally. I know this about myself from watching and digging into my patterns. I realized that the more I sat, the more angry, depressed, sad I became. Until one day I forced myself to go for a walk on a trail nearby. I started off walking slowly, when I finished, I realized I had hiked over 10k ,  was lost and had cried so hard I looked like a clown! Even though I had to phone my son to GPS me out of there, I had found out that my perspective changed just by changing my environment. This was a big win. You don’t have to hike or go far, just make sure you get off the couch and go somewhere else. It really was similar to when my dog is acting like a jerk and I tapped him on the back hind legs, it changes his focus.

I hope that the above things I shared with you will help you to move through a break up with a bit more ease. Always remember, its ok and actually brave to reach out to a friend, family member, crisis line, faith leader, heck reach out to the postman if you want! But never sit alone if you feel its too much. After the waves of pain, comes a beautiful time of recovery and you will get there! You matter to the world and we are so lucky you are here.

love always

Truly, Terrie xo

Resources: As promised here is a list of books I loved during this stage

Who am I without you? 52 ways to rebuild self esteem after a break up- Christina C. Hibbert

The subtle art of not giving a fuck- Mark Manson

The break up bible- Rachael A. Sussman

How to rock your resolutions like a boss

Dear friends,

The freshness of a clean slate has me giddy with excitement. Almost as giddy as I am when I smell the aroma of fresh donuts baking at my local cafe! As much as I would love to yell out new year, who dis?! I wanted to talk today about exactly what a resolution is and how to rock it.

When I think back to the many things I have promised myself in the past on the first day of a new year , then quietly stepped off my soap box to skulk back into the corners of dreams not achieved.  I am reminded of exactly why they didn’t stick. My willingness to do the actual work was really never there. Like really, who decides to completely overhaul their personality because of a resolution!

The word resolution means a firm decision to do or not do something. I never realized that a resolution does not mean I automatically wake up Jan 2 and am a brand new me. After failing to lose all the weight from my pregnancies ( my kids are teenagers), not wear my dressy yoga pants out so much, make bigger efforts to cook elegant  meals for my children and read 15 books a month. It was apparent my idea of “to resolve” needed some looking at.

So peeps, I have put together a list of my top five things that may help you to rock your new years resolutions like a champ, or at least give it a good try and not have a massive breakdown on the front lawn if we have to reset after a few days in.

  1. The first thing you have to do when you want to make a change is excavate! Scan the current conditions and look at your history.   We are all very routine creatures, we thrive best when we repeat predictable patterns. In order to move forward one must look at where they came from and what the heck happened to get us to the point of needing to level up.  When I first started out on my own, I remember piling goal after goal on my shoulders only to end up on my couch staring out the window. So checking out my history, I noticed that I had an old childhood wound that needed addressing. I settled for less than because I was afraid of failure. I had to realize that the ceiling I set for myself was built on the story I told myself everytime I took on a new challenge and didn’t succeed. Changing that up a bit, had me realizing that failure is my friend and without it that very ceiling that was limiting me would never raise. You will come to know that I am very much into what you do not repair from the past follows you like your very own dark passenger as you age, but more on that later!

2. Make your plan and get on it! but don’t go to fast! If the plan is to stop watching so much TV, try dropping an hour a day for the month. figure out what the plan is to get you off the couch and engaged in something else. PSST- this one took me a few tries! winky face emoji, shy face emoji, rolling eyes emoji

3. Tell everyone!! Hey your friends know you just like mine know me. Heck, tell your uber driver! once it’s out there its real ! dont worry your buds love you for you and will encourage you with jokes and teasing which will remind you how valuable and cool you are even if you watch 20 hours of TV a week. Hey, every group needs someone to keep them up with the Kardashians!  plus on the more serious side you are accountable! 

4. Whatever you do  DON’T get discouraged. I know! it’s the third and you’re already eating the kids Christmas Candy, but, guess what, your  human. Get back on the horse and reset the plan. Forgive yourself! who doesn’t like candy!!

5. Set a measurable time limit. Now be generous, unless its to wear that bikini on vacation so you can post pics on social media for your ex to see! In other words make the time you set realistic not something that will discourage you and set you up to fail. In the first year of my divorce I tried to do it all, often resulting in me feeling shameful and embarrassed that I was not the model mom that my boys needed. Once I realized this was a slow and steady progression of daily growth. I eased up a bit and my confidence grew. I could then set shorter and shorter time limits according to the complexity of the goal.

So there you have it! my small list of ways to start some growth in areas of your life you feel you need it. Yes I know, who needs growth when we are already amazing! If not for growth, what is the purpose of anything really? Moving forward, that’s what we are doing together! Never forget, I am right here beside you fumbling my way through life too! So take some time to set a few goals today and don’t forget to laugh along the way

all my love

Truly, Terrie xo

Hi New Year! Its me Terrie…again

Welcome all! I would love to say my story is as juicy as the Brangelina break up, but its not. My story is typical, girl gets married, girl has children,girl loses herself in the daily grind of momming, working and the sea of crap continually filling our half full cups daily. Where my story takes the dreaded “oh shit” turn is when my marriage ended and this girl was thrown into the proverbial swamp of life as a divorced middle aged mom.

Struggle? man I have known struggle! struggle to be alone, struggle to know who I am, struggle to know what I like, struggle to run a home alone, struggle to parent two boys, struggle to date, struggle struggle struggle! I know , I know what a downer! Sorry I promise to pick it up now! During this time what I didn’t plan on was learning, growing and understanding places that you too may know. Places that not a lot of people want to spend time in. Places of sheer lonliness and wondering WTF happened ? and why did someone as cute as me deserve this. I mean someone like me deserve this? smiley face. kiss face, laughing emoji.

As a helper, I feel its my duty to open up my life and my project this year of saying YES to anything and everything that makes me a better person! Like you all, I have become complacent in a life of netflix, half ass attempts to not eat the cake, doing the bare minimum and watching everyone else live.

When your alone most of the time, you become afraid. Afraid to reach out, afraid to admit you need help and afraid to share for fear of people knowing your weakness. Mine is one thousand five hundred percent fear of trying! I also have to admit I AM NOT LIVING TO MY FULL POTENTIAL. I hope someone heard that!

The creation of my blog is not for fame LOL, fortune even bigger LOL or instagram likes. Its sole purpose is to let YOU know that if you are alone like me, or struggling to move yourself forward no matter what your relationship status, that I am right beside you and you are no longer alone. Lets create a supportive community of love, positive vibes, sharing information and stories so we can all feel a sense of belonging! Truly Terrie is my olive branch to the “universe” I’m saying ok, ok I finally HEAR you!! I”m ready to say YES, and I hope you are too!!

all my love

Truly, Terrie xo

Just a normal girl, doing normal things in a not so normal world

Dear Friends,

Hey there! I’m Terrie! You may know me, or you may not! what matters most is you have become part of my tribe! A community of people who want to level up!

My blog is created for the sole purpose of sharing my life as a normal girl just trying to make on my own. The struggle is real!! and i’m here to hopefully stand beside you as you struggle to find your way too! Lets talk about everything and give each other the support and love we all need to progress and become the best we can be! Through the ups and downs of every day life, lets have a few laughs, share some tips , celebrate wins and bitch about our losses! Most of all lets wrap our virtual arms around each other and make each day a bit brighter!

Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the web, where my life meets yours, and together we stay FABULOUS!!

All my love

Truly, Terrie xo

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

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